October 14, 2007

The Greatest Musticians Of All Time

Robert Goulet was born with one in 1933. Lionel Richie's was reportedly insured for more than two million dollars.

We're talking mustaches people, the true calling card of any serious professional crooner. You wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the john would you? Everyone knows enhanced upper lip plumage helps you drop more soul on the yazz flute, so we’re doing the music world a fricking service by ranking the top 24 musiticians of all time:

1. Robert Goulet
2. John Oates
3. Freddy Mercury
4. Prince
5. Lionel Richie
6. Jesse F. Keeler - DFA 1979
7. Stevie Wonder
8. Patrick Simmons - The Doobie Brothers
9. Franz Nicolay - The Hold Steady
10. Rick James
11. Bill Preston
12. David Crosby
13. Ray Parker Jr.
14. Morris Day
15. Herbie Hancock
16. Ike Turner
17. John Oates (he's that good)
18. Vince Guaraldi
19. Looking Glass
20. George Harrison
21. Walter Becker - Steely Dan
22. Patti Smith
23. David Macklovitch - Chromeo
24. Orleans

Death From Above 1979 - Black History Month (Alan Braxe and Fred Falke mix)
Prince and the Revolution - Let's Go Crazy
Rick James - Cold Blooded
Chromeo - My Girl Is Callin Me (Blaze extended edit)
Hall and Oates - I Can't Go For That

Imagine how ruthlessly Neil Diamond would have dominated the charts had he maintained even the most modest soup strainer:

Thanks to lead correspondent Trent Steele for coordinating.


OnlyRumors said...

Nick The Lounge Singer


Star wars...nothing but star wars!

Anonymous said...

Up and coming musticians only need to look to the world beard and mustache championships for inspiration ...


Anonymous said...

22. Patti Smith

That's so f*cked up! Hilarious, but oh so wrong...

Z said...

i heard john oates' mustache formed its own solo career after he shaved and is now huge in croatia.